Sexual Abuse Survivor's Handbook by John Saunders

Author:John Saunders
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: child abuse, sexual abuse, Catholic Church sexual abuse, Royal Commission on Sexual Abuse, paedophilia. pedophilia, sex crimes, priest pedophiles
Publisher: IP (Interactive Publications Pty Ltd)
Published: 2013-05-08T04:00:00+00:00

My Mother’s Death

I’d been in Sydney for two days – three days earlier I had received a phone call from one of my sisters to say that Mum was very ill and it might be a good idea for me to come and see her. As it turned out she would pass on within a week.

I had written her a letter not even knowing that she was so ill, it’s comforting how things happen that way. I read Mum the letter at her bedside the day before she died. It felt so healing to just sit with her and hold her hand while I read to her. She could barely talk to me she was so weak. Eighty-two years of age.

She at one stage asked me what I did when my mouth was dry. This wasn’t like my mum to ask such a question. I answered and told her about sucking on an ice cube or something of that nature. She asked me if I could get her an orange and cut it up into small pieces so she could suck on them. I went out to her kitchen and a short time later was back with her. She couldn’t open her eyes and she couldn’t hold the orange, so for the next twenty minutes I sat with her, feeding her orange beside the same bed that Dad slept in before he passed away. I fed her orange like she was a baby.

After feeding her I asked whether she would like to listen to a letter that I wrote to her recently. She said yes, so I sat in her room and read her the following letter whilst stroking her brow and snuggling up to her chubby arm, the arm that I remember snuggling up to and falling asleep upon as a little boy:

Dear Mum,

Thank you for your letter. I’m sorry that you are not feeling so good and that passing on to your next life isn’t as easy as a walk in the park. I’m sure you will enjoy not having people such as myself wanting to get to peace with you, as I am also sure Jesus does not judge either of us for not seeing ‘eye to eye’ on issues that are a concern to us as individuals. I feel excited for you that you are going on one of the most extraordinary journeys that any person can experience. In some ways I envy you, however this is where my learning is right now.

Be extremely content and at peace with the effort that you put into being my Mother. You did the best you could, and when you thought you weren’t doing your best I wonder whether you may have felt a little like I do sometimes, alone and helpless with no one to hold me and accept me for not knowing the best way to turn.

Know that I hold you and care for you and will do this next time I see you, and you need do nothing to prove yourself worthy of receiving this, nothing.

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